You think he’d be happy now…

Part of the reason I haven’t posted so long is the very reason for this blog. I was just emotionally exhausted from dealing with the narcissistic father of my child, and occupied with trying to make the most of those windows of relative peace. I didn’t want to write about narcissism then! But I do need to write. I really need it for my sanity. It’s so depressing to me that even after the divorce, even after all these years, this man can still be an energy drainer on me. And it’s amazing just how many ways he can find to “get” to me. Just normal situations that most people would never see as an opportunity for control or pot shots are just such opportunities for a narcissist bent on getting a reaction out of you. And even though I’ve gotten much better at giving him no reaction, I still have to deal with the impact within me. You think he’d be happy now. He’s got a girlfriend. That makes me happy, because he is more occupied now. But he still plays his game. And our daughter, unfortunately, still pays for it.

One Step

There is a lovely little story, “Little One Step” that I used to read to my daughter when she was younger. I find it to be very relevant now and a story can come in very handy when you’re not sure what to say. You never know when a child will feel comfortable or feel the need to share their feelings. My daughter had spent the day playing with her dear friend she hadn’t seen for quite a while. They had gone to a birthday party together, and by all counts, she should have been flying high on the way home. But half way there, she brought up her father. For the sake of creating a context, let me backtrack a bit. When I had picked her up from her father’s a few days ago, she told me that just before I arrived he suddenly brought up her reaction to a documentary he had forced her to watch. She didn’t know why. He was just talking and the next thing she knew he was talking about – no, mocking her about her reaction to this documentary three days previous. She was very upset about this.

Some Bruises Aren’t Black and Blue

Some are invisible. I no longer live with my narcissist (N), my dd has to on a periodic basis. Because she is getting older and developing her own personality apart from his she is starting to see and experience another side to her father. From what I understand, this is what happens with narcissists and their children. While the kids are very young and worshipful, narcissists can get along fabulously with their children. But when they start to grow up and get their own likes and dislikes and become less compliant, more individual, that’s when the honeymoon can end. It can be traumatic for the child. She is beginning to become the target of emotional outbursts and is learning what to say and how to say when she’s around him. She is learning about manipulation, walking on eggshells, how to put on a face, when to censure yourself and how to say what other people want to hear. She is also learning contempt for a parent she has to teach proper behavior around a child. She is learning survival techniques that children learn with narcissistic parents. I feel like I am fighting for her life, her integrity and character. It … Continue reading