You think he’d be happy now…

Part of the reason I haven’t posted so long is the very reason for this blog. I was just emotionally exhausted from dealing with the narcissistic father of my child, and occupied with trying to make the most of those windows of relative peace. I didn’t want to write about narcissism then! But I do need to write. I really need it for my sanity. It’s so depressing to me that even after the divorce, even after all these years, this man can still be an energy drainer on me. And it’s amazing just how many ways he can find to “get” to me. Just normal situations that most people would never see as an opportunity for control or pot shots are just such opportunities for a narcissist bent on getting a reaction out of you. And even though I’ve gotten much better at giving him no reaction, I still have to deal with the impact within me. You think he’d be happy now. He’s got a girlfriend. That makes me happy, because he is more occupied now. But he still plays his game. And our daughter, unfortunately, still pays for it.

The Importance of Validation

I set up an appointment for my daughter with a therapist. First for a kids’ group and then one on one. The reason isn’t just for the coping skills she’ll learn or realizing that she’s really not alone in facing life changes and challenges. It’s for the validation. I was told one of the things she would be learning was how to express her emotions. To me, what’s priceless is that she will be given the message that her feelings are even valid to express. That she has a right to them and that others find them important. Being with a narcissistic parent, she has learned to show him what he wants to see. I had asked her the other day if she gave her father any indication that she liked some of the documentaries he made her watch. She looked at my rather incredulously, almost like I was stupid, and said, “Uh…yeah. If I didn’t, he’d get mad!” She told me not only does she have to be there when he watches these documentaries, but if she looks away or hides her eyes or covers her ears, he will get angry and threaten that she will never watch her … Continue reading