A Little Not-So-Fairytale

[Copyright 2007 by PhoenixRising and Another Recovering Target of a Narcissist] Once upon a time there was a bear, a badger, and a raccoon. They all lived in the same neighborhood of caves and burrows. Bear was a commanding presence, taking up a lot of space with both his personality and size. He demanded constant reassurance of how worthy he was, and how well accomplished he was, even though his den was not out of the ordinary (and mostly dug by Badger, anyway) and he slept all winter long. But Bear liked to boast. And because he was rather delusional and half believed his boasting, himself, he managed to convince a lot of people around him that he was something special. The fact was Bear was not only average, which to Bear was unthinkable, he was, also, very lazy and selfish. So truthfully, he was less than average. If it weren’t for the camouflage of his words, people would have not been so impressed with the bear, Bear really was. But no one was more fooled than poor Badger, who was deeply in love with Bear. Or in love with who she thought he was or needed him to be. … Continue reading

Verbal Abuse Defines You

An author stated that verbal abuse is when someone defines you. This is very significant in relation to narcissism. Narcissistic abuse often is covert. Because image and appearance is of utmost importance, most of the abuse meted out by narcissistic people will be under the radar, leaving very deep but invisible wounds. This happens all the time to my dd. Happened to me, too, but what’s significant here is as an adult I had the ability to walk away. A child who has an abusive parent, and does not show signs of physical abuse, is pretty much stuck with that person until they are of legal age to walk away. By that time considerable damage has been done, and even if they do have the ability and desire to walk away, they take the impact of all those invalidating years with them. I find that my most important job as the other parent is to validate my child. He invalidates. I validate. It’s a fine line to walk sometimes, but I cannot leave her to suffer at his diminishing of her and her reality with silence under the pretense of not wanting to speak badly of her father. I don’t … Continue reading