House of Mirrors

by Beatrixkiddo As a child, I loved the fun house. Looking into distorted mirrors, I was thrilled to see something other than what was real. As far back as I can remember, this is what I craved. What was it about reality that was so disturbing, or at least so undesirable to me? A child’s enchantment with the house of mirrors at a carnival seems normal enough. But for me, I see it now as a symbol of a much, much deeper problem in its earliest stage. A soul sickness that would grow like kudzu over time and threaten to choke the life out of me. Narcissistic abuse and my addiction to being on the receiving end of it has all but killed me. (And it has almost done that several times.) I cannot explain how or why my eyes became open to this a few short weeks ago, but I do know that a profound shift in my makeup has occurred since that time. I think it is like a blind person who undergoes a successful operation and is given instant sight. (ok, that may or may not happen like that, I don’t know, but you get the idea.) … Continue reading

Save Your Babies…

No matter how sweet, no matter how caring or sensitive or kind or loving your little ones, if you bring a narcissist into your life, he will most certainly make an impact on all your children. And some will follow in his footsteps. He is a role model. He shows your children how to treat you, and you show them what to put up with. You think you’re in pain now? You think the Narcissist is breaking your heart? Wait till you see what your children – the ones who did not escape, the ones who finally succumb to daily doses, mega doses of selfishness, projection, manipulation and abuse – wait till you see what they can do to you. How they can rip your heart out. Remember how delighted you were when you heard the first “mama” or “dada”? Wait till you hear fuck you, and not even coming from a thoughtless loudmouth teenager who slips and realizes with horror what he had done, but a young adult who feels totally justified, ready with excuses and reasons why. Ready to damn you for making him angry in the first place, because it was your fault to expect him to … Continue reading

Book: Say Goodbye to Your PDI

I found a book that seems to help me focus and give some assist in dealing with people with Personality Disorders: Say Goodbye to Your PDI (Personality Disordered Individuals): Recognize People Who Make You Miserable and Eliminate Them from Your Life for Good! by Stan Kapuchinski M.D. I find if I read the suggestions in the book on what to do before I have an encounter with the NPD ex it helps me script out situations so I am not suckered into another emotionally draining situation. Hopefully this will help you, as well.

A Father’s Story

I am so happy to have found this blog. I am a father of a three and half year old daughter who i love more than anything. After a six month fling with my daughter’s narcissist mother, who is English, my life has been a surrealist kafkaesque thing for these four years – made more strange by living half of the time in England where my daughter was born. I have been in court with the mom for two years, and am deeply in debt. The British court supports mothers to an extent that is painful and absurd. The United Kingdom keeps more children from their fathers than any other jurisdiction in the western world. The four and five month periods in which my daughter’s mother simply would not communicate with me are not only not punished, but condoned to an extent that they are not even acknowledged. To add to the drama, I have been warned that any criticism of the British court could mean even less contact than the 11 hours a week i am now granted with my daughter. The standard is so low in England, many simply don’t understand my sense of injustice or my concern … Continue reading

Trying to hold on for the children

This is inspired by Survivor’s post, when she had a realization her ex was a narcissist and she left him five years later after trying to hold on for the children. How many of us do that? The intention is good, even noble. But is it really better for the children? I hear this over and over. I’ve done it. Only I didn’t get out after five years. My two oldest lived a major part of their childhood under the influence of my narcissistic partner. I didn’t leave until after they had both graduated from high school. My youngest with the ex was just entering school age. None of them escaped unscathed. But there’s a difference. My youngest still has to contend with the N, but she has a safe place to go. My oldest two didn’t. The youngest will have issues to deal with BUT she has more of herself. I fear for one of my oldest. In holding on for our children, I guess the question would be just what is it are we holding on to? What’s the reality of it? How much we are fighting for is real and how much is fantasy – of what … Continue reading

Put Downs

By Survivor extending a comment My mother had a narcissistic mother. My mother had a great deal of anxiety and also put me down a lot when I was growing up.That is what was modeled for her in dealing with a daughter. I always thought I had to improve myself not realizing the true issue at hand. With low self esteem, I was the perfect person for my NPD ex who I met at 19. I didn’t realize his put downs were put downs. Again I thought I needed to improve myself. It wasn’t until my daughter was a baby that I realized what I had gotten myself into. My ex had gotten mad at me and did not acknowledge mother’s day because I was not worthy. In fact I wasn’t spoken to for about 2 months (literally). I was so heartbroken that I went to see a mental health person. She asked me if I realized I was being abused and this was a form of domestic violence. That is when the lightbulb went off in my head. I left my ex 5 years after that trying to hold on for the children. After I left my narcissistic husband, … Continue reading