Comments for Parenting with a Narcissist

Comment on How Do We Protect Our Children? by GarethsMom

GarethsMom — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 20:25:09 +0000

You are so right bunnyhop2. am really thankful for this site right now, Becuase although I have people who have loved and supported me through all these aweful situations with the exN, but ultimately I had to go through it, and often feel alone in the fight…even though the things we have been through are so painful, there is comfort and strength in knowing we are not alone…mydaughtershero & bunnyhop2, my experience with the GAL was so similar, and his report ultimately just generated more manipulation and deciet from the N on our son. Our court system forced mediation before allowing a court date…It was an aweful and fearful experience or me. He started off so overly charming, it was ridiculous and un-nerving. In the end, after the exN had gotten everything he wanted, he refused to sign because he did not get as much money as he expected and wanted to go to court to argue for more time. This is when the mediator saw his true colors. She advised him that a judge would not look favorably on this and he just said “you let me worry about that”. I just feel very defeated in all this So far my son is coping pretty well, but he struggles with being angry with his dad and I wonder what this is doing to him emotionally.

Comment on How Do We Protect Our Children? by bunnyhop2

bunnyhop2 — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 02:56:23 +0000

Hi all: it is both comforting and disturbing how similar are these experiences. Mydaughtershero, i can absolutely relate. I have had my daughter’s therapist tell me that he was a good father in one breath and that he needed to put his hands in his pocketsbto avoid hitting the kids in the next. My eldest was the problem child because she got wise fast to his behavior and was trying to protect the younger two. I was the problem because I tried not to see him or interact with him unless absolutely necessary. The GAL interviewed the kids and the report was heart wrenching. I cried reading what the kids had told him, much of which was not known to me, which involved physical and verbal abuse, and was then stunned when the GAL recommended extended weekends and a midweek overnight to “compensate” him for my relocation 1 hr away. My lawyer told me that unless there are significant injuries the court does not like to interfere with “parenting styles”. And they are so afraid of taking away someone’s rights, they tend to ignore any information that would require action. But i know how you feel. I wonder every week whether I should have taken a stronger stand in court. Right now I feel it is best to focus on making their time at home with me as normal and relaxing as possible, modelling the relationships i hope they build in the future.

Comment on How Do We Protect Our Children? by mydaughtershero

mydaughtershero — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 23:11:33 +0000

PresenceNow and GarethsMom I feel for both of you and reading your stories reminds me of my own struggles. When my daughter’s counselor recommended a guardian ad litem I was in shock. But I thought since she was willing to write strong counseling notes that would convince a judge there was adequate cause to get one I agreed to pursue it. Now 6 months later I feel it was a waste of time and money. The counselor played the fence and didn’t “remember” any abuse or neglect and my exN was able to play victim or intimidate people into “forgetting” things they’d seen or lived through themselves. This is a man who was described recently to me as “an unrelenting force of malice” – yet the GaL found “no parenting problems”. She says this even though she recommended he take a parenting class for men who have lost visitation with their children because of violence or jail! Everyone sees the problem but nobody wants to go on the record as the one to point the finger…except me and now I am being portrayed as hysterical. Part of me wants to cut my losses – he did lose 6 days of summer based on the GaL’s recommendation – because I’m afraid of what he can do in court. The other part wants to do whatever I can to protect my daughter. I question my judgement now too – maybe I am just too June Cleaver, maybe his parenting style is OK?? I am scared for my daughter – she stands up to him but he threatens her if she doesn’t comply. It’s all sneaky and below the radar….I just don’t know if I can convince a judge if he was able to fool the GaL. Sometimes I don’t know how I can go on another 10 years or more having to deal with him and his out of nowhere attacks and ridiculousness. Sorry for rambling -thank God we all know the truth and can relate to each other.