I cannot trust anyone (except my family) because I cannot trust my own judgement anymore.

You hit that nail right on. I cannot trust my own judgement anymore. And that’s it, isn’t it? It’s not that we can’t trust men. I think most of us know there are good men and bad men and everything in between and it goes for women too.

But how do we know who is who? Or in what circumstance it’s real or not. It all boils down to discernment.

And when we start giving up that discernment or have it gaslighted away from us or belittled or whatever, then we come to the place where we are truly crippled.

That’s the greatest damage that can be done to us, and inversely then the greatest gift we can give to our children – validating their experiences so they can trust themselves, their ability to discern, and with that a greater willingness to forgive themselves for their mistakes.

Maybe that’s the real issue here…not trust, but forgiveness. Maybe it’s not a matter of not being able to trust anyone including myself, but a matter of not yet willing to forgive myself and give me a second chance.

Okay, I need to think on this a while…

Bless you…

I am grateful I found this site. It has really helped me affirm that my refusal to argue with my N is the right choice. He is always deflated when I walk away. Sometimes I giggle a little when that happens. But mostly I let out my breath with enormous relief that one more bout is over.

I am, without a doubt, broken. Completely smashed and ground up and I must act like I am not for the sake of my children. I am all they have to lean on. I am so grateful for my children, for they are the reasons I can actually smile and laugh.

To everyone out there suffering this nightmare too, hang in there. You will be stronger and you will help hold someone else up too, believe it or not. One day at a time, sometimes one minute at a time…but never stop moving forward.

I’m really glad you’ve found us here. I know it’s a long and lonely battle, and I wish you strength and grace.

What saved me wasn’t the articles by experts, though there is one author, who really turned on the lights for me – Patricia Evans, who wrote “The Verbally Abusive Relationship”. Didn’t deal with narcissism per se, but really helped to delineate just how gas lighting and invalidating works.

Anyway, I digress.

I just wanted to say that despite some good books I’ve read, my greatest source of help, inspiration and validation were other women – most of whom I never met and never will meet. Women in support forums and email lists who were brave and generous enough to share their stories.

They saved my life not to mention my sanity.

In all fairness there can be abuse in some of those communities as well. You do have to be careful. But as long as you respect your own boundaries and those of others, there’s a wealth of information and support to be had.

I know the experiences of others helped me immeasurably. It’s why this blog is here.

Do keep in touch.