Whittling Away Her Spirituality

I spent the day with my daughter yesterday. She said something to me that really took me aback and it disturbs me. She said she didn’t really believe in God, just maybe 3/4’s. I asked if her dad has been talking to her about that, because I know he not only doesn’t believe in God (other than himself), but has utter contempt for those who do. She said no, that she was speaking for herself. But I know he’s been working on her in subtle ways over the years. Dd has always felt a love for God, and when her father tried to talk God down, she’s gotten upset with him. It distressed her that he would say he didn’t believe and that he’d talk in contempt about religion. I’m not a religious person, but my spirituality has always been my deepest passion – ever since I was a child. … Continue reading

Control or Self Centeredness?

Okay, so yesterday I met my dd to tutor her. Her father knew she’d have to get up early, and that she’d be engaged in learning activities. When we started I noticed she was reading slowly, almost laboriously. Then she would start to yawn, and it was evident she was having trouble concentrating. I asked why was she so tired. She said they had stayed up past midnight…watching movies. He resents having to drive her to town for me to tutor her. Doesn’t matter that it’s because he has neglected teaching her, himself, and that I’m picking up the slack for her benefit. It’s an intrusion on his time. But he’ll show me. I can’t tell him what to do when she’s with him. I can’t take away his staying up late time with her. And then maybe it has nothing to do with him showing me anything. Maybe it’s … Continue reading

My child and her friends

Children need friends, too, and more than just kids they can hang out with, I find it’s really helpful for them to be with children who know what they’re going through. It’s so easy for a child to feel alone or like the only kid that’s going through whatever challenging experience they’re facing. It may be more difficult for a child to find another child who will understand the manipulation and duplicity of a parent. Not that there aren’t a lot of kids who experience that, but it’s very, very difficult for a child to acknowledge the toxicity of a physically abusive parent, never mind one that engages in verbal and emotional abuse. It’s natural for children to want to dismiss or internalize their parents faults. It’s a survival mechanism for a kid to repress the bad and frightening aspects of their parents and focus or exaggerate the good qualities. … Continue reading

Friends are so important

And they are among the first things your narcissist will want you to drop. Actually, mine wasn’t so bad in that regard. He liked me having friends if it meant I would be out of his hair when he was with his, which was quite often. But he didn’t like me being friends with people who knew what he was up to, and often would try to discredit their character just in case they would tell me something. I was never a real social person, so it worked out for me to stay home, and I had my artwork to keep me occupied. Anyway, I can see how much of a protection your friends can provide you if you’re with a Dr. Jekyl/Mr Hyde type of person, because they can help to give you perspective. When you’re with a narcissist, you begin to doubt yourself like crazy, because you keep … Continue reading

I snapped

I feel so bad. Yesterday I was so tired. I had been on the road the previous day for over four hours. It was the end of the week and I was tired from work, taking care of a sick friend and homeschooling my daughter. Yes, I homeschool her. How is it homeschooling a child with a narcissist co-parent? – A nightmare. But I do it because she needs it. Because of her learning style and way she processes information, the schools really can’t meet her needs and she’d either be incorrectly diagnosed or fall through the cracks. Plus, we belong to a wonderful supportive co-op, and I won’t take that way from her. But thats another post. For now I want to express my guilt and sorrow over having yelled at her yesterday, two different times. It’s ironic, because I had taken her to a day camp to help … Continue reading