One of the things I have to be careful of is overcompensation. I see what she’s going through with her dad. I know the abuse she faces when she’s with him alone. I feel her pain when she cries to me about his verbal abuse, her rage when he diminishes and belittles her. I cannot go to the other extreme and weaken her by coddling her because he’s so abusive or be too strict to offset his irresponsibility. It’s always one thing or the other, one extreme or its opposite. Never a middle road or balance with a narcissist. One moment he will tell me he wants to get to know her, her special unique self and then in the same conversation tell me how it’s necessary to force her to watch or discuss things that clearly upset her because she’s too empathic, which to him means weak. He has … Continue reading

Please Forgive Me for Being Absent From Here

I notice that I haven’t been here since February 26th. For my own safety, I have an email account associated with this blog that I do not use for anything else. But I haven’t even checked that account over these past few months, so I never knew of the first time comments that were made and awaiting approval. This is no excuse, but I have to say…and if you’ve ever been involved with one, I’m sure you would understand…that narcissists are absolutely draining. Life sucking, mind numbing draining. Even when you’re divorced from them…even when you maintain absolutely bare bones minimum contact, because it’s impossible to have no contact. Sometimes, I feel if I just ignore him, if I just brush him off when he acts his way and pretend everything is all right, then it will be. I don’t want to look at the poison straight in the face. … Continue reading

You think he’d be happy now…

Part of the reason I haven’t posted so long is the very reason for this blog. I was just emotionally exhausted from dealing with the narcissistic father of my child, and occupied with trying to make the most of those windows of relative peace. I didn’t want to write about narcissism then! But I do need to write. I really need it for my sanity. It’s so depressing to me that even after the divorce, even after all these years, this man can still be an energy drainer on me. And it’s amazing just how many ways he can find to “get” to me. Just normal situations that most people would never see as an opportunity for control or pot shots are just such opportunities for a narcissist bent on getting a reaction out of you. And even though I’ve gotten much better at giving him no reaction, I still … Continue reading

The nature of the beast

Okay, so he’s feeling sorry for himself. I made the mistake of suggesting I get her a couple hours early today so I could give her some educational instruction before taking her to dance class, and he emphatically refused. He wasn’t giving up one hour of his time with her, even though it’s Tuesday, and a school day. I could hear him puffing up his chest as he said, “I’ve sacrificed a lot of my time with her for you. You’ve had her a lot…” For me. I’ve had her a lot. Does our child factor anywhere into this? What kind of a world does a narcissist live in? That he can give her up for his own reasons and resent me for helping him out by taking her and then expect her to sacrifice her education to make up for his lost time is beyond me. You know, you … Continue reading

“He’s getting angrier…

…because I’m being more myself.” That’s what she told me last night. That’s really sad, but it’s not to be unexpected. More and more, during each day I have her, she has to express some anxiety, some resentment toward her father and distress at having to be with him. She says she hates having to be another person when she’s with him. I hate it, too. But I’m grateful she’s consciously aware of it, and aware that she is healthy enough to where having to wear a different face for him really grates on her. But he’s just a jerk. I can’t believe he’s…well, I guess I can…but I can’t believe he’s on this “She’s (me) using schooling her (our daughter) as an excuse to keep her away from me” kick again. But he is. DD told me she overheard him saying that to someone on the phone. He’s said … Continue reading