Lessons Learned: From Anger to Healing Part 2

(Second of a 7 part series) part 1 by Zack’s Mom Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage. ~ Anais Nin Here is what I have learned. For ease of writing, I have used the name Joe for my ex. It is not his real name. 1. Choose your battles wisely; focus on winning the war, not the skirmishes. Letting the small stuff go will conserve your strength. My ex remarried and told everyone at my only son’s school that the new wife’s children were my son’s “brothers,” not his stepbrothers, so in time other parents (who had not met the new wife but met my ex) came up to me to ask how my other sons were. I was outraged at this rewriting of history, as it gave the impression that the new wife was my son’s mom. However, when I calmed down, I opted out of … Continue reading

Lessons Learned: From Anger to Healing Part 1

(First in a 7 part series) by Zack’s Mom Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage. ~ Anais Nin I have been parenting a child with a narcissistic ex-spouse for almost ten years. My ex embodies all the worst traits one would expect to see in a narcissistic abuser: he is entitled, reflexively dishonest, lacking in empathy, insistent on getting his own way, and contemptuous of anything I feel, express, or need. I used to think that if I were kind to him, he would cease to treat me this way, but about four years ago I let go of that expectation and gave up on every improving my relationship with him. Ironically, that kind of letting go made me stronger. I don’t want to spend a whole lot of time describing my narcissist, although I will add to the list that he is very smart and very … Continue reading