Trying to hold on for the children

This is inspired by Survivor’s post, when she had a realization her ex was a narcissist and she left him five years later after trying to hold on for the children. How many of us do that? The intention is good, even noble. But is it really better for the children? I hear this over and over. I’ve done it. Only I didn’t get out after five years. My two oldest lived a major part of their childhood under the influence of my narcissistic partner. I didn’t leave until after they had both graduated from high school. My youngest with the ex was just entering school age. None of them escaped unscathed. But there’s a difference. My youngest still has to contend with the N, but she has a safe place to go. My oldest two didn’t. The youngest will have issues to deal with BUT she has more of … Continue reading

Narcissists aren’t just men

You know, I’ve read that people suffering from narcissistic personality disorder are more often than not men. I’m not convinced of that. For one, people with NPD are the last people on earth who would willingly allow themselves to be diagnosed. I mean why bother diagnosing perfection? So how would you know? Maybe there are more men diagnosed with NPD, because more women are willing to seek help, perhaps drag their reluctant spouses/boyfriends in, so male NPD’s wind up in front of a doctor to be analyzed in the first place, where women narcissist are more able to avoid analysis. Maybe women are just culturally and naturally perceived as empathic. Lack of empathy is hallmark of narcissism. Her empathic behavior (which every good narcissist can step into at the drop of a hat) isn’t questioned, because it’s automatically accepted on face value. She’s less likely to be seen or suspected … Continue reading


By PhoenixRising It’s hard when you finally realize what you’re dealing with, traumatic even. It’s easy to fall into a kind of self recriminating despair, when you realize just what kind of a person you had a child with and to whom you are sending your child when it’s their “turn” to have them. I hear it all the time. I see it online and in personal conversations – regret. It’s a demon all of us who are in this seemingly sinking boat have to wrestle with. If only we hadn’t…picked this guy or gal to be with, to have children with, to stay with, to fight for. If only we had picked a better parent – hell, just someone who was a regular human being, someone who had the potential and willingness to work on parenting skills. Not talking about perfection here. And we’re right! Life would be better. … Continue reading

Please Read First — Important

(New posts come after below this sticky post) DISCLAIMER: THIS BLOG IN NO WAY DISPENSES ADVICE – LEGAL OR OTHERWISE. OPINIONS ARE SHARED AND BELONG TO EACH AUTHOR OR POSTER AND NOT NECESSARILY THE OWNER OF THIS BLOG. THIS BLOG IS OFFERED FOR INFORMATIONAL PURPOSES AND FREEDOM OF SPEECH. READERS AND WRITERS OF THIS BLOG ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR HOW THEY INTERPRET AND/OR ACT UPON ANY PUBLISHED MATERIALS HERE. Having said that, let me explain a bit further. Some self help sites are excellent sources of information and support The authors are well equipped to offer timely professional help. That would not be me. Some of my insights will be right on. Some will be skewed by my perception and personal biases. I try to be fair, but I don’t claim to be objective. Many self help sites are run by very well intentioned but messed up people That would be … Continue reading

The depth of damage

It’s a kind of insanity, you know, to be involved with a narcissist. You don’t realize what you’re doing to yourself when you’re involved with one, and if anything, you fight like hell to keep him in your life. I never felt like I left him. I escaped. But with what? Oh, it took strength, courage, resourcefulness to leave. I give myself that. But what did I lose? Well, with children, a lot. Let’s say my relationship with them, while I was focusing all my energy on the N and being devoured – oh, like only a major portion of their childhood, as in most of it. How about my sexuality? In our relationship, sex was a big thing. For me it was an expression of love, sacred. I adored him, and there was nothing wrong that we could do together as an expression of our love – two consenting … Continue reading