Residual Effects

It’s been years since I escaped. And it’s been years since I’ve cared about the people he cheated with on me. In fact, I thank God I’m free of them. But a simple comment I had made in regards to another comment posted on this blog, bringing up the time I had inadvertently come across incontrovertible proof that he was seeing someone he swore he wasn’t (and then duly ignoring that proof and allowing him to berate me for finding it) triggered emotional memories that I did not anticipate. Because I don’t care about him anymore. And the last thing I’d want is him back in my life. BUT there are strong psychological impressions that are made in extreme emotional duress that leave their marks on you “forever”. I don’t know if that’s absolutely true, because I haven’t lived forever, but I have lived more than a few years since…like … Continue reading

Toxic people affect your ability to love other people…

It’s true. Or at least, they affect your ability to show your love to other people. Because you’re so angry all the time, or if not all the time, then during the times you are wrestling with your anger at being used, lied to, abused, taken advantage of, disrespected, made to feel expendable, small, worthless. Which can be quite often if you have a narcissist in your life. And those things piss you off, and understandably so. But do you realize how much they make you unavailable to those who do love you, who you love? When a child reaching out to you as a sign of love is seen as another demand upon you, an intrusion of your space, because you are so sensitive at being trespassed against? Because as supply for someone else’s narcissism, you are so used up, and the insatiable, thoughtless demands of the N has … Continue reading

I feel so sorry for her

I don’t like her. At all. She’s a bitch to my daughter, but I can’t stand watching what he’s doing to her. So he tells me he’s broken up with her. It won’t work, he says. Distance, the direction they’re going in their lives. He’s not willing to make the changes in where he lives or works to accommodate her work, even though she’s the one with a real career with promise for advancement. It’s too much to ask him… Oh, and it’s for her, too. He says. It’s not fair to her. Right, like he cares. And I think, yeah, wait till you need her for something again. Sure enough, a couple days later, he gets sick as a dog. Needs to leave work. And where does he go? All the way back to his house? No, straight to her house, the one he just broke up with “out … Continue reading

Throw Him a Parade…

No, really. He truly thinks he deserves one. If he does something remotely responsible, fulfills some small part of his parental duty, does the very least he can do, but takes some effort doing it, then he really believes he should receive recognition and praise – from me! This man pays no child support, contributes nothing financially or time wise to his child’s education, doesn’t even contribute to the care of his child’s animals, not even when they are with him (I send the food), but he transports his kid to school one week and actually brings it my attention, telling me how much it cost him in gas and time, fully expecting me to thank him and tell him how wonderful he is and just marvel at his sacrifice! No lie. He even tried to put the words into my mouth. You think…you just think that after all this … Continue reading

Save Your Babies…

No matter how sweet, no matter how caring or sensitive or kind or loving your little ones, if you bring a narcissist into your life, he will most certainly make an impact on all your children. And some will follow in his footsteps. He is a role model. He shows your children how to treat you, and you show them what to put up with. You think you’re in pain now? You think the Narcissist is breaking your heart? Wait till you see what your children – the ones who did not escape, the ones who finally succumb to daily doses, mega doses of selfishness, projection, manipulation and abuse – wait till you see what they can do to you. How they can rip your heart out. Remember how delighted you were when you heard the first “mama” or “dada”? Wait till you hear fuck you, and not even coming … Continue reading