About PhoenixRising

Singer/songwriter, human rights activist and author of the book series and podcast, “Where There’s Smoke: Covert Abuse”. Demian Yumei’s creative focus is on reclaiming your dream and healing the wounds that prevent that. Her artist activist site: keepingthedream.com

Resurrecting this Blog

Yes, I know I said this before. What’s different? My minor child is no longer a minor. So with that, I feel a certain amount of safety about being able to speak more freely though you can never be too careful in these situations. I do feel a little safer over my child’s safety now they’re legally an adult. We’ve also gone through the darkest part of those tumultuous teen years where genetic and environmental narcissism accentuates and amplifies regular adolescent narcissism. I think we’re seeing the light now. Having gone through that and surviving 18 years of parenting with a narcissist, 13 of them separated/divorced, I’m happy to say I’ve survived and I think I can say I have a few things to share about my journey that may be of help to others. It’s not the end of the journey, but we’ve made the shift from minor child to adult child. And I feel hopeful. That says a lot. My deepest apologies for not responding to comments posted eons ago! But I got swallowed up in the black hole of drama and crisis only a narcissistic “partner” can incite. Not only in person but from “afar”. I hope … Continue reading

Resource: One Mom’s Battle

I haven’t had a chance to go through this website yet, but it comes highly recommended, and I didn’t want to wait to post it. http://onemomsbattle.com/ Briefly, this is the story of one woman’s battle in and after divorce with a narcissist. Her name is Tina, and she acts as her own attorney and is an advocate for changing the court system. If you are dealing with legal issues, I imagine you can learn from her expreiences. You can purchase her entire blog in an ebook form or just peruse her site. I see there’s, also, another ebook that may be helpful for those who are getting ready to go into court. I have not read either books, so I can’t tell you if they are good investments or not. Still, I do believe there is valuable information on her blog that can be helpful to those who are in the unhappy situation of attempting to co-parent with a narcissist or are tangled in the court system with one. I look forward to reading your reviews. I’ll be posting mine as I go through her site.

An Apology and Hopefully Some Changes

Well, it seems like I’m always disappearing and returning and disappearing again. I’m so sorry. This blog is so much harder for me to handle than I would ever have anticipated. These past few months, I had a challenging health situation triggered and then exacerbated by the emotional stress of being a single parent, the current economy and dealing with dysfunctional situations. This last experience made me realize just how “we’re not fooling” my health has become. It was the granddaddy of all chronic fatigue I’ve ever experienced in which I was totally incapacitated for a good long while, and have since been slowly regaining my strength. If you’ve read through this blog, you may notice that I have had periodic health episodes, both emotional and physical, but this last time totally rocked me. That is no excuse for scaring some dear members, and I thank you, Rae, for inquiring about me. For causing you unwarranted concern I profusely apologize. When I “checked out” I checked out, and it may sound really bizarre, but just last night when I was trying to get into another email account, I “rediscovered” the one associated with this blog. I TOTALLY forgot about it. … Continue reading

Threaded Comments

Okay, so I was able to add “threaded comments” to this blog without changing the general template. I like the look of this blog and am not ready to change it just yet. 🙂 Threaded comments mean when you want to make a comment, you can choose specifically which comment you want to respond to — either the main article, or any comment a member of this blog has made. Just click on the link that says “Reply to this specific comment”, and your response will show up right under that comment. I made it so that the threads can go five layers deep. If you want to comment to the article and not respond to any particular comment, just go straight to the open comment box and post there. If you want to receive an email notice to the new comments responding to your new comment, you have the option to check the box for email notice. Well, I hope I didn’t make it sound too confusing! Just give it a try. I hope this will make it easier for us to communicate with each other. And as always, if this is your first comment, it will have to … Continue reading

Updating Site

Yes, I’ve crawled back out from under that rock of depression that periodically seems to hammer me, and I’m back. For how long…who knows? *sigh* But while I’m here I want to update this blog, use a new template that makes it easier for us to comment to one another’s posts. I want a conversation tree, so we can respond to specific comments and our comments will publish under the one we responded to. I think it will make it easier to follow that way. So I’ve got a little “template shopping” to do, and hopefully this site can get a new look for the new year. Hoping you are doing well. Here’s to flexing our wings and flying again 🙂 PhoenixRising

Wasted Time

The vast majority of the time I wasted with my narcissistic ex was trying to understand him. Because I was trying to do that with the expectation that I was dealing with someone who held similar values, deep down inside, as me. Now, I can appreciate diversity. I love it. I’m glad we’re not all the same. But underneath our differences lies a commonality, core values that extend to all human beings. Well, maybe in a perfect world. But it’s still a standard to which I believe most people do adhere to. What are those values? Well, common courtesy, for one. Respect. Some level of integrity, honesty, and kindness. Seeing oneself in another – not as in making them invisible or merely a reflection of you – that’s what narcissists do – but seeing yourself in another through empathy, recognizing their humanity they share with you. Trying to understand a person without that core is futility. There needs to be something that anchors or grounds the differences found in people to something good, something reliable, solid. So that even as mistakes are made, misunderstandings, personality quirks or whatever, there’s someone there worth understanding. Under whatever it is that upset you … Continue reading