My name is Demian Yumei of Keeping the Dream and I’m the creator and author of this blog, posting as PhoenixRising. I’ve been posting on and off for years now since June 2007… mostly off, because my daughter was still very young and going back and forth between homes. I did not want to subject her to any fallout over anything I should write should these writings somehow be discovered and recognized as mine.
Well, a decade has passed. She is no longer a minor. There’s no going back and forth between homes. She graduated from a performing arts school despite efforts from her father to drop out. She has made decisions for herself to honor her autonomy and self-determination. That has brought it’s own conflicts, but I stand by her and respect her decision in doing what is right for her.
While I have no intention of naming names, I no longer need to withhold mine.
I’ve decided it is time for me to step out of the shadows of anonymity. I’m a singer/songwriter and human rights activist. I have a blog on the Healing Journey, which is about reclaiming our dreams and facing the wounds that prevent us from doing that. I’m currently in the process of recording episodes of a podcast, Covert Abuse and the Art of Discernment, the first book in a series about covert abuse.
While I have no intention of naming names, I no longer need to withhold mine. Without a doubt, there is no constraint shown from other parties expressing their opinions of myself or my daughter. While that’s no motivation in and of itself for me to speak out, there is certainly no more need to censure myself either.
My daughter has given me permission to share her experiences as I will share mine. Our mistakes, detours and mishaps are our own. We’ve learned from them. If you can too, we’re happy.
It seems like lifetimes ago we started this journey. Read the About: 2007 page to see not only how much my daughter has grown, but how much I have! You travel this path with your child and you will grow together, even as the other significant person in your child’s life attempts to stand still and keep your child with him or her. Know that it doesn’t have to be an endless journey, though it may feel that way sometimes. Every day you believe in your child. Every moment you validate their experience. Every time you give a name to their emotions or listen to them like they’re important because they are, take another step closer to freedom.
There were times when I thought I might lose her to her own entitlement and insecurities, but her strong spirit and passion for creativity and the arts prevailed. She reached that turn in the road, and after a great number of obstacles and no small amount of hesitation and u-turns, she chose to forge ahead. She knows it will not be easy — it never is for a child of abuse — but it will get easier as she continues to make choices that empower and honors who she is.
Yes, you can survive this, you and your children. And not only survive, there will come a day when you can see them thrive.
Stay true and stay strong.
~ demian (PhoenixRising)
October 1, 2017