It’s true. Or at least, they affect your ability to show your love to other people.
Because you’re so angry all the time, or if not all the time, then during the times you are wrestling with your anger at being used, lied to, abused, taken advantage of, disrespected, made to feel expendable, small, worthless. Which can be quite often if you have a narcissist in your life.
And those things piss you off, and understandably so.
But do you realize how much they make you unavailable to those who do love you, who you love? When a child reaching out to you as a sign of love is seen as another demand upon you, an intrusion of your space, because you are so sensitive at being trespassed against?
Because as supply for someone else’s narcissism, you are so used up, and the insatiable, thoughtless demands of the N has totally wiped you out so that when someone does ask something of you who has a right to, because they’re your little child or a someone you are truly close to, who truly cares for you, that you react as if they just assaulted you.
And sometimes I feel like I can’t help myself, that there’s so much anger lying underneath that when I get pushed again, then I am a bomb waiting to explode on innocence. And it’s not fair.
It’s not fair.
Mother, beware. Father, beware. The seeds you sow by courting a narcissist, by inviting one into your life will grow predatory vines that will reach far into your life, beyond that immediate relationship. It’s like a curse that follows you.
If you raise kids under such a narcissistic parent, do not be surprised when you see the shadow of his narcissism in your now adult kids, the way they relate to you, the way they relate to other younger children you may have.
You think it’s difficult to separate yourself from the narcissist you had once desired? Imagine how difficult it will be to escape the narcissism of your own children if they walk the path of the model you brought into their life.
You condemn yourself to being angry the rest of your life, cutting yourself off from the ones who truly do love you, not being able to love back, not in the way they or you deserve. Unless…
Unless you can find a way to remove that poison from your life. For the sake of the children. You got to set up boundaries. If possible you have to maintain it with distance, but if not physically, then emotionally. Because you’re going to create boundaries.
Do it consciously toward the toxicity. Not subconsciously toward the innocent.