No matter how sweet, no matter how caring or sensitive or kind or loving your little ones, if you bring a narcissist into your life, he will most certainly make an impact on all your children. And some will follow in his footsteps.
He is a role model. He shows your children how to treat you, and you show them what to put up with. You think you’re in pain now? You think the Narcissist is breaking your heart?
Wait till you see what your children – the ones who did not escape, the ones who finally succumb to daily doses, mega doses of selfishness, projection, manipulation and abuse – wait till you see what they can do to you. How they can rip your heart out.
Remember how delighted you were when you heard the first “mama” or “dada”? Wait till you hear fuck you, and not even coming from a thoughtless loudmouth teenager who slips and realizes with horror what he had done, but a young adult who feels totally justified, ready with excuses and reasons why. Ready to damn you for making him angry in the first place, because it was your fault to expect him to be clearer in what he was saying and had the audacity to tell him how you felt.
Wait till you sit stunned, looking at the face of your dear baby boy, no longer a baby, no longer dear, looking past a face you no longer recognize, but staring at a look you know all too well – the one that thing, that “N” wore when he was tearing into you, angry, self righteous, justified, ever bit sure that you deserve this emotional beating and blaming you for causing it – that look now on the face of your dear baby boy, no longer baby, no longer dear.
Do you think you love him, the N? Is he really worth hanging on, fighting for his love?
Snap out of it! Look at that child now, that beautiful baby boy. Are you really going to sacrifice him? Because if you stay with someone as sick as a narcissist, you murder your children – a little at a time, partially, or completely.
Then it won’t be a matter of whether they ever forgive you. But whether you can ever forgive yourself.