I don’t even know where to begin.
I am currently in the midst of yet another battle with my ex – an “exemplary citizen”, a wolf in sheep clothing. It’s a silent battle, not being verbally played out for all to hear, but it’s a battle nonetheless. Unfortunately our daughter, 13, is being, and has been for a few years now, put in the middle of it and played against me by her father.
Joint custody should mean equal say, negotiations when we don’t agree and give and take on both sides. Instead it’s turned into unilateral parenting where I have NO say. Well, I have a say, it’s just not respected whatsoever or twisted to make me look like the mean one.
If there’s a disagreement between my daughter and I with arrangements or activities, her father empathizes with her and tells her how hard it was being married to me, so he can’t imagine how tough it must be to be her daughter. He then tells her that she can do what she wants, without worry because he will ‘deal with me’ on her behalf.
Dealing with me means just doing what he wants or bringing his wife into this who twists and distorts anything I say.
I have never felt so helpless in my entire life. I am a well educated, stable, emotionally aware woman who goes to great lengths to remain objective who feels like she is banging her head on a brick wall every month.
The relationship between my daughter and I is very VERY fragile right now. I feel like I can do no right, like I have been rendered an ineffective parent who has no say at all in her daughters life. I say no, where appropriate or lets compromise – dad says yes, no matter what.
I am currently seeking help/advice from a mediator, which ex has been invited to participate with but has declined stating that he does not feel it would help….he is not the one with the problem.
I spend a great deal of time trying to focus my energies on doing what is right for my daughter. Sometimes I can’t help but feel like opening my mouth and telling her everything that her father has done, but I don’t. I am not that person.
In the mean time, I am struggling to maintain my sanity and counter all the bullshit. I write daily in a journal….facts…not opinions. I sat and read through it tonight and was reduced to tears when I realized cumulatively how I have allowed a man and his wife to encourage a massive wedge between myself and one of the most precious things in my life.
I left my ex due to his controlling nature. It’s taken me years to see that even in divorce he is still controlling me…I have not escaped it. I need to take the power back in my life – for my sake and my daughter’s.