Comments on: The depth of damage

By: Survivor

Survivor — Wed, 14 Jul 2010 17:42:41 +0000

It is amazing how a few weeks separated from the drama can help. The kids will be with me for another month and the narcissist factor is placed to the side. My husband and I are stressed but only from taking care of our blended family. The narcissist ex is out living life for the summer. I wish every moment could be like this. I know this freedom won’t last but it will be nice even if 5 children can stretch us at times.

By: Survivor

Survivor — Mon, 28 Jun 2010 12:22:53 +0000

I apologized last week to my son for what he has gone through. He said don’t worry mom, I can deal with it. He then had a breakdown later in the day. His step dad and I spoke with him. He said he gets his anger from his father because his father’s parents have anger problems. He gets his sadness from me because I am sad about the children. He hates parts of living at his father’s during the school year because his father makes the kids do the chores that were once mine. He also said that his father yells a lot and it use to be me that was yelled at.He wants to do fun things with his father but doesn’t like all the negative things his father does. He also said he was angry at his dad for not listening to the court and being mean to his stepdad and mom. For an almost 9 year old, he had some important things to say.

By: PhoenixRising

PhoenixRising — Sat, 26 Jun 2010 12:10:36 +0000

As long as your middle kid can tell you how he feels, even if it’s being angry at you, this is great! There’s a lot of trust in your love for him to be able to express that. There can be none of that for the narcissist who must demand you love him always, admire and validate him always, never criticize or question, because his image depends on that.

I know this hurts. I heard similar things from my youngest in the beginning…actually for over a year or two, until she began to experience things herself, until she started connecting the dots from her own observations. And even then, a part of her wanted me to have stayed anyway, so I’d be there to protect her.

I’d apologize for what she was going through, but I’d have to reiterate, while totally empathizing with what she was feeling – how could I blame her? – that nonetheless, I would not have been able to protect her while I was there. That there would have been nothing left of me, that I could possibly have become a source of abuse, myself, as my own rage from my dying spirit spilled over onto innocent people.

It’s so hard, and I realize that in my situation it’s reversed from yours in that I do have my child more often than you have yours, and still, there’s anger and a feeling of abandonment she must deal with.

So I imagine it’s even harder for you and your children. But still, to be able to give voice to what’s inside is priceless, and will go a long way to your child’s healing and the healing of your relationship.