(Seventh of a 7 part series)
part 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6
by Zack’s Mom
Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage. ~ Anais Nin
7. This might sound crazy: Pray for the narcissist.
I am not religious, nor am I endorsing a religious path. Here is my thinking: your narcissist is very sick and very damaged. He is not as strong as you are or can be.
Pray to whatever higher power you have. It will release your hatred and anger. If you are hateful, you are hooked, and if you are hooked, you are leaking precious energy that could go toward surviving and healing.
8. You don’t have to be perfect.
You cannot make up for the narcissist’s deficiencies. Kids don’t need perfect parents; they need good-enough parents. When you do something that hurts or upsets your child, do the restorative work of saying you are sorry.
Narcissists never say they are sorry; they are incapable of copping to the very human flaws we all have. Apologizing to your child when you mess up is a source of power, not weakness. It models good behavior for the child and acknowledges to him or her that you can appreciate hurt feelings. Every time I apologize to my son, he says he feels better.
~ In time, kids figure out who their parents are. Kids are not dumb.
They know who is dishonest, and who is not. They know who is grounded, and who is not. I am not saying they will not get hurt; they very likely will. However, you will be there for that hurt child and that’s what he or she needs to grow into healthy adulthood. Staying strong and steady in the face of conflict and provocation will do more for you and your child than anything, and that requires self-awareness and self-care.
We are not alone, and we are not crazy. Life can be joyful and rewarding if we take the time, every day, to move ourselves toward healing. Our lives and those of our children depend on it.
End of 7 Part Series