by Zack’s Mom
Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage. ~ Anais Nin
2. This brings up a related point. Let the narcissist tell the story of who he is.
Left to his own devices, his behavior over time will reveal his dishonesty and contempt to those who might be otherwise charmed.
My ex-husband accused me for years of sexual, physical and emotional abuse. In the beginning, I would react angrily and sometimes hysterically, and in the process I looked crazy–which is exactly what he wanted.
I have now taken the Ronald Reagan “there he goes again” approach. When the allegations are made (and they are) I sigh and give whomever a knowing look (the judge, the parenting coordinator, my son’s therapist) “there he goes again” look.
If they ask questions, I answer calmly. (Lots of therapy under my belt has enabled me to roll with getting triggered, rather than acting it out.) Now that he has made these accusations a couple dozen times or so, and I have not been exposed as abusive, he has created a narrative about himself as someone who lies and lobs false allegations.
The judges, parenting coordinator, and therapist have begun to see him for what he is and have lost patience with his provocative tactics.
It’s very Zen: let his own aggressive energy be his undoing: when he runs at you, don’t put up your fists. Instead, step aside and let him crash.
Tomorrow Part 4