Lessons Learned: From Anger to Healing Part 2

(Second of a 7 part series)
part 1

by Zack’s Mom

Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage. ~ Anais Nin

Here is what I have learned. For ease of writing, I have used the name Joe for my ex. It is not his real name.

1. Choose your battles wisely; focus on winning the war, not the skirmishes.

Letting the small stuff go will conserve your strength.

My ex remarried and told everyone at my only son’s school that the new wife’s children were my son’s “brothers,” not his stepbrothers, so in time other parents (who had not met the new wife but met my ex) came up to me to ask how my other sons were. I was outraged at this rewriting of history, as it gave the impression that the new wife was my son’s mom.

However, when I calmed down, I opted out of confronting him. I waited for my opportunity at school, and the next time a parent asked me about my other children, I shook my head in puzzlement and said, “Oh, Joe must’ve told you my son has brothers. I’m not sure why he says that. His second wife has kids from her previous marriage, so they’re stepbrothers. It’s hard to keep it all straight; I’m sorry for the confusion.”

Dealing with it this way–reasonably–cast Joe as the one who distorted the truth. In time, this tactic of not confronting has worked well; the longer he lies and I do nothing, the better, because when he is finally revealed, it’s an eye-opener to the misled.

Tomorrow Part 3

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