Comments on: How a narcissist “let’s” you choose http://parentingwithanarcissist.com/2009/09/27/how-a-narcissist-lets-you-choose/ Mon, 06 Feb 2012 21:42:38 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3 By: deepbreath http://parentingwithanarcissist.com/2009/09/27/how-a-narcissist-lets-you-choose/comment-page-1/#comment-133 deepbreath Tue, 15 Jun 2010 19:49:10 +0000 http://parentingwithanarcissist.com/?p=139#comment-133 oh wow, oh wow, oh wow! What a tremendous god send this site is. I have been struggling with how to describe what my ex husband is... My battle has been a long, exhausting, uphill one. It's only now that I have been able to figure out that the struggles I face with our daughter cannot be placed squarely on my shoulders. For years I have been battling the A/B conundrum. "Here are the options, let me know what you think... ". "A you say?, I figured you'd go that route. Oh and by the way, daughter opted for B and I support her" Could it be that I am crazy? I have been forced to ask this question faithfully every few months. It's draining. It's daunting. Second guessing myself has become a way of life. I will continue to read and draw strength from knowing that there is a way to fight without fighting. oh wow, oh wow, oh wow!

What a tremendous god send this site is. I have been struggling with how to describe what my ex husband is…

My battle has been a long, exhausting, uphill one. It’s only now that I have been able to figure out that the struggles I face with our daughter cannot be placed squarely on my shoulders. For years I have been battling the A/B conundrum. “Here are the options, let me know what you think… “. “A you say?, I figured you’d go that route. Oh and by the way, daughter opted for B and I support her”

Could it be that I am crazy? I have been forced to ask this question faithfully every few months. It’s draining. It’s daunting. Second guessing myself has become a way of life.

I will continue to read and draw strength from knowing that there is a way to fight without fighting.

]]> By: morgand http://parentingwithanarcissist.com/2009/09/27/how-a-narcissist-lets-you-choose/comment-page-1/#comment-124 morgand Wed, 17 Mar 2010 03:14:27 +0000 http://parentingwithanarcissist.com/?p=139#comment-124 Wow..and I thought I was alone. Thanks so much for all the comments and blogs..it has been a long rocky road back to sanity but every post here has rang so true I have come to realize I am not alone..furthermore that there is hope with how to move on (which is really just an acceptance of Who they are and how they behave as Their issue and not mine..mine is how I behave day to day) loved the AB ..hit home because that was exactyl what happened recently after my being sucked into his "manipulations" again for 9 months. He asked my opinion, which in fact I soon discovered he really DiDN't want..but in fact just wanted me to agree with him - and when I didn't, using his same logic he had just used with me - he exploded and I for a moment I was caught up in it. Only this time I had been healthy enough to start to examine his illogic and erratic and explosive/irrational behavior... Thanks so much I have bookmarked this as reference to keep me strong as I approach a court date with him. Wow..and I thought I was alone. Thanks so much for all the comments and blogs..it has been a long rocky road back to sanity but every post here has rang so true I have come to realize I am not alone..furthermore that there is hope with how to move on (which is really just an acceptance of Who they are and how they behave as Their issue and not mine..mine is how I behave day to day)
loved the AB ..hit home because that was exactyl what happened recently after my being sucked into his “manipulations” again for 9 months. He asked my opinion, which in fact I soon discovered he really DiDN’t want..but in fact just wanted me to agree with him – and when I didn’t, using his same logic he had just used with me – he exploded and I for a moment I was caught up in it. Only this time I had been healthy enough to start to examine his illogic and erratic and explosive/irrational behavior…

Thanks so much I have bookmarked this as reference to keep me strong as I approach a court date with him.

]]> By: daddys_girl http://parentingwithanarcissist.com/2009/09/27/how-a-narcissist-lets-you-choose/comment-page-1/#comment-98 daddys_girl Tue, 29 Dec 2009 20:59:33 +0000 http://parentingwithanarcissist.com/?p=139#comment-98 Thank you - that hits the nail on the head! That's what is great about a site like this. It is very difficult to understand the context of what's going on with a narcissist when you don't have experience dealing with it. And if you're in the middle of it, it's hard to explain to others the dynamics of what you're up against. In my comment, I meant to write about your post, that every interaction you have with a narcissist involves this kind of A/B option. Sometimes it's not in the form of an either/or question, but if you're "asked" to do something and you decline, it's the same kind of slap in the face for them. They're not really giving you a choice like their words may suggest. Like you say - variations on the theme. Keep writing! Just reading about this is validating for a lot of people who haven't had much of that. Thank you – that hits the nail on the head! That’s what is great about a site like this. It is very difficult to understand the context of what’s going on with a narcissist when you don’t have experience dealing with it. And if you’re in the middle of it, it’s hard to explain to others the dynamics of what you’re up against.

In my comment, I meant to write about your post, that every interaction you have with a narcissist involves this kind of A/B option. Sometimes it’s not in the form of an either/or question, but if you’re “asked” to do something and you decline, it’s the same kind of slap in the face for them. They’re not really giving you a choice like their words may suggest. Like you say – variations on the theme.

Keep writing! Just reading about this is validating for a lot of people who haven’t had much of that.

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