Comments on: Female Narcissist http://parentingwithanarcissist.com/2009/08/01/female-narcissist/ Fri, 10 Sep 2010 12:46:04 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0 By: PhoenixRising http://parentingwithanarcissist.com/2009/08/01/female-narcissist/comment-page-1/#comment-90 PhoenixRising Fri, 06 Nov 2009 21:39:44 +0000 http://parentingwithanarcissist.com/?p=194#comment-90 Hi BrookieD. It *is* so frustrating, isn't it? How old is Danny? Sometimes the only thing to do is step out of the way. When you refuse to stop pulling at your end of the rope, it will be interesting to see what she does at her end. In many ways, she needs you - can't be a victim without someone to accuse of victimizing you. I hope you can give yourself the space you so desperately need. Don't be surprised if she desperately tries to stop you from disengaging. Just be aware and alert. If you can't keep contact with Danny, perhaps you - most especially your husband - can keep a journal for Danny, something he can give Danny sometime in the future. It may be that one day Danny will see what's going on, and will look for answers or resolution. A journal with periodic recorded thoughts, a record of moments that he was loved and thought of, not abandoned, can truly be healing. Hi BrookieD. It *is* so frustrating, isn’t it? How old is Danny? Sometimes the only thing to do is step out of the way.

When you refuse to stop pulling at your end of the rope, it will be interesting to see what she does at her end. In many ways, she needs you – can’t be a victim without someone to accuse of victimizing you.

I hope you can give yourself the space you so desperately need. Don’t be surprised if she desperately tries to stop you from disengaging. Just be aware and alert.

If you can’t keep contact with Danny, perhaps you – most especially your husband – can keep a journal for Danny, something he can give Danny sometime in the future. It may be that one day Danny will see what’s going on, and will look for answers or resolution. A journal with periodic recorded thoughts, a record of moments that he was loved and thought of, not abandoned, can truly be healing.

]]> By: BrookieD http://parentingwithanarcissist.com/2009/08/01/female-narcissist/comment-page-1/#comment-89 BrookieD Fri, 06 Nov 2009 19:27:12 +0000 http://parentingwithanarcissist.com/?p=194#comment-89 wow. i am in the SAME EXACT situation. except in our case, we can't go any further. nobody listens. nobody cares. it has drained us entirely. it has become dangerous for us (my husband and i), and now it's becoming dangerous for our two younger boys to keep my step-son, danny, in our lives. danny is being used as a manipulative tool, by his mother, to her advantage; to try to eliminate me from danny's life. by ANY means she can come up with. and like you, apparently i am the reason why she can't co-parent with my husband. in her process of attempting to eliminate me, she has been severely harming danny emotionally, socially, and who knows what other way. she has no concern for danny's feelings or safety. we will never be able to save him from his mother, but at least we can save our youngest boys, and hopefully remove ourselves as the antecedent, or 'narcissistic supply' in order to give danny a better chance. it is out of our control and there is nothing else we can do for danny. we've tried for four years now and it will NEVER end. she's got people convinced that she's such a victim. i can't risk my younger boys, and my career as a teacher. i wish there was a way to bring her behavior to someone's attention, for danny's sake. but nobody will listen to us. wow. i am in the SAME EXACT situation. except in our case, we can’t go any further. nobody listens. nobody cares. it has drained us entirely. it has become dangerous for us (my husband and i), and now it’s becoming dangerous for our two younger boys to keep my step-son, danny, in our lives. danny is being used as a manipulative tool, by his mother, to her advantage; to try to eliminate me from danny’s life. by ANY means she can come up with. and like you, apparently i am the reason why she can’t co-parent with my husband. in her process of attempting to eliminate me, she has been severely harming danny emotionally, socially, and who knows what other way. she has no concern for danny’s feelings or safety. we will never be able to save him from his mother, but at least we can save our youngest boys, and hopefully remove ourselves as the antecedent, or ‘narcissistic supply’ in order to give danny a better chance. it is out of our control and there is nothing else we can do for danny. we’ve tried for four years now and it will NEVER end. she’s got people convinced that she’s such a victim. i can’t risk my younger boys, and my career as a teacher. i wish there was a way to bring her behavior to someone’s attention, for danny’s sake. but nobody will listen to us.

]]> By: PhoenixRising http://parentingwithanarcissist.com/2009/08/01/female-narcissist/comment-page-1/#comment-83 PhoenixRising Mon, 28 Sep 2009 02:32:43 +0000 http://parentingwithanarcissist.com/?p=194#comment-83 Hi DarkestEyes, and welcome. "Lateral parenting". I've never heard of that before. Sounds great with two sane adults, however, with a narcissistic ex whose entire purpose in life seems to be to "one up" you, any type of equal co-parenting is beyond their comprehension. You just have to do the best you can do with what you have. It's so frustrating when your child is not with you. That makes the time they are with you all that much more important. Hi DarkestEyes, and welcome.

“Lateral parenting”. I’ve never heard of that before. Sounds great with two sane adults, however, with a narcissistic ex whose entire purpose in life seems to be to “one up” you, any type of equal co-parenting is beyond their comprehension.

You just have to do the best you can do with what you have. It’s so frustrating when your child is not with you. That makes the time they are with you all that much more important.

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