Okay, I’m sure she’s heard all kinds of bad stuff about me. I’m sure she blames me for him not being able to make a commitment/get closer/trust her completely. It’s my fault, you see. Just like it was that girlfriend before me, and the one before her.
And I’m sure that he not only holds me out as the reason for his crippled emotional state, but that he uses me to keep her on her toes, through comparison and jealousy. She’ll never be able to quite live up to whatever standard I represent…just like I wasn’t able to quite compete with those before (or concurrent, at the time).
Because that’s what a narcissist does. Use people. Manipulate them. Pull their strings. Work on their self-doubts and needs, all to his advantage and amusement.
But how about some civility for crying out loud?
I mean, is it too much to actually speak on the phone when you call…when you’re asked to call?
I’ve always acknowledged this girl. I’ve remembered her at my daughter’s art exhibits. Even bought her and her own child their tickets. But my Ex’s girlfriend can be in the same room, and not once acknowledge me. It’s always me, first, who will say hello to her. But I feel it’s because it’s just too obviously rude to not say hello back. Her dislike of me is palpable on her face.
So today, I call, as requested by my Ex, to set up a time for drop off. (That’s something I need to look at.) She picks up the phone, says hello. I greet her by name, and make a friendly comment. I wait for her to comment back.
Silence. Did the line go dead? I don’t hear a sound. Then my Ex is on the phone.
She just handed the phone over to him, without so much as a word to me.
You know, I don’t mean her ill. My daughter likes her, and that’s all that’s important.
But it’s days like this, when I get treated with undeserved disrespect that I find myself feeling like I just had it. I mean, I’ve never been ignorant to ex-girlfriends, and even those who were trying to hit on my N, I never went out of my way to be ignorant…to the point where that was taken advantage of, more than a few times.
But just because I have learned to be more self-respectful, and am better at drawing boundaries, doesn’t mean I spit at people from across them. I just don’t understand this kind of rude behavior.
Then I am reminded that no matter how she treats me it’s small beans compared to how he is and will be treating her.
I don’t need to get worked up about it. If she wants to judge me on his behalf, and if she wants to take that judgment to justify treating me meanly – whatever. My daughter is happy. I’m happy.
I’ll just have to not set myself up to give her opportunities to be ignorant. That’s all.
As for her? Her own ignorance will come back to haunt her. I know. Mine did.