Whittling

“She laughs at all his jokes – even the bad ones, even the ones that are mean toward other people. She laughs at them all.”

That’s what my dd said about the Ex’s girlfriend.

Don’t we do it? Don’t we start compromising, start denying our own reality a little bit at a time?

It’s not uncommon for girls to laugh at jokes that are not funny, especially in the beginning of the relationship. Who hasn’t laughed at a boring joke or smiled with feigned interest, when the reality of the “guy of our dreams” conflicts with the fantasy we had of him? Who hasn’t been a bit reluctant to give up the fantasy? But then reality does set in and we look for something better.

But for those who get caught in the web of a narcissist, and don’t leave, the truth of the narcissist doesn’t seem to set in. We keep laughing at boring jokes, and we don’t stop there. We laugh at the mean ones. The ones that go against our principles, our values, our ideals.

Maybe we shake our heads or roll our eyes, but we do it with a smile and a “Oh, you cute boys-will-be-boys” look on our faces.

We make allowances here, and we make allowances there, and we keep making allowances, breaking principle after principle, until we look down and see so much of ourselves have been whittled away there’s nothing much left of us but a mere toothpick of a human being.

And that’s not funny. Not even to a Narcissist, because he doesn’t care – because despite what it feels like, your destruction isn’t really his priority. The meeting of his needs is. And if you get destroyed in the process then so be it. If you don’t, it just means you last longer to feed him.

Sadistic narcissists do like to see their victims suffer, but again, it’s not for your sake. It’s for theirs.

It’s about them. Everything, everything under the sun, and the sun, itself, is about them.

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