“She laughs at all his jokes – even the bad ones, even the ones that are mean toward other people. She laughs at them all.” That’s what my dd said about the Ex’s girlfriend. Don’t we do it? Don’t we start compromising, start denying our own reality a little bit at a time? It’s not uncommon for girls to laugh at jokes that are not funny, especially in the beginning of the relationship. Who hasn’t laughed at a boring joke or smiled with feigned interest, when the reality of the “guy of our dreams” conflicts with the fantasy we had of him? Who hasn’t been a bit reluctant to give up the fantasy? But then reality does set in and we look for something better. But for those who get caught in the web of a narcissist, and don’t leave, the truth of the narcissist doesn’t seem to set in. We keep laughing at boring jokes, and we don’t stop there. We laugh at the mean ones. The ones that go against our principles, our values, our ideals. Maybe we shake our heads or roll our eyes, but we do it with a smile and a “Oh, you cute boys-will-be-boys” … Continue reading

A Little Not-So-Fairytale

[Copyright 2007 by PhoenixRising and Another Recovering Target of a Narcissist] Once upon a time there was a bear, a badger, and a raccoon. They all lived in the same neighborhood of caves and burrows. Bear was a commanding presence, taking up a lot of space with both his personality and size. He demanded constant reassurance of how worthy he was, and how well accomplished he was, even though his den was not out of the ordinary (and mostly dug by Badger, anyway) and he slept all winter long. But Bear liked to boast. And because he was rather delusional and half believed his boasting, himself, he managed to convince a lot of people around him that he was something special. The fact was Bear was not only average, which to Bear was unthinkable, he was, also, very lazy and selfish. So truthfully, he was less than average. If it weren’t for the camouflage of his words, people would have not been so impressed with the bear, Bear really was. But no one was more fooled than poor Badger, who was deeply in love with Bear. Or in love with who she thought he was or needed him to be. … Continue reading