My biggest worry is my eldest son. Can you keep the apple from falling straight down?

Life is good for me now. I have to send my kids to him for 6 weeks this summer. Even setting the dates for when this will occur has turned into a battle. Luckily I have a loving finace who protects me from having to deal with this. I should be sleeping beside him right now, but instead I’m turning over the possibility of going back to court in my head and wondering when it will ever end.

I hope that reading what is here will help me understand better what I’m dealing with. My counsellor during my separation and divorce first pointed out to me that he might be a narcissist. Reading this shows me why he may have thought so.

Thanks for creating your blog. I had one once, but it is gone now because there is nowhere I can go that he doesn’t find me. He took what scraps of my online presence he could find to court to try to keep me from moving away. He was unsuccessful, but I know he’s out there looking.

Now I have to figure out how to protect my children. I wish he’d start thinking about them, but I know that is impossible.

I think now I can sleep.

I appreciate your kind words. I won’t retire this blog, although I post on it intermittently and not anywhere near as often as I should. Still, it is my impression that it is helpful to more than a few people. And that’s because of the generosity of all who have participated to share their stories. I am truly grateful.

PhoenixRising

I was married nearly five years to a narcissist and lost much more than the time. He got me to question my family and friends, my sanity, and even my parenting abilities. Two months before he announced our marriage was over, he managed to convince me to sign guardianship of our four year old son over to his parents.

Two and a half years later, my son is in first grade and probably doesn’t remember living with me. I get to see him every other weekend, as per my verbal agreements with my ex’s parents. I am unsure of how often my ex sees him, though he continues to act like a “fun uncle” more than a father. My son’s grandparents have asserted that they want to get to a “more normal” situation, with our son residing with one of us, but insist they will not sign any papers until we can agree. I’m sure you realize how likely this is to happen.

I’m lucky in that I have remarried. This time, to a wonderful man, who is very understanding and supportive. He has never once taken the bait laid out by my ex. (My ex even said, “I don’t want you to be with him because I’m afraid he will make you happy.”)

One of my ex’s favorite lines now is that since we are no longer married, he doesn’t have to “put up” with me anymore. I find this ironic, since I still have to put up with his lying and manipulating, his passive-aggressive put-downs, and constant attempts to belittle the strength and courage I’ve managed to find.

So I keep going. One foot in front of the other, one day at a time, doing the best I can for my son until I can get him back with me. I put on my Big Girl Hat, I forgave myself for giving my ex so much control, and realized that no amount of talking, reasoning, or bargaining will change the way my he is. They’re not all good days, although the bad ones are getting fewer and farther between. On the bad days, though, it’s helpful to know I am in good company. Others have been where I am, and survived. That means I can too.

Please don’t retire this blog. For every reader who comments, there are probably five who don’t.