So the next time after “stop making me look like an asshole” incident, (previous post), my daughter is lying on her side on the bed with her laptop. He’s on the bed laying behind her. Girlfriend is there, too. He reaches over and holds DD by the arm. She tries to move it. He holds it down. So she struggles. He pulls his strength on her and suddenly turns her over toward him, at which point she strikes out and hits him. She nails him in the eye.
This, of course, infuriates him. Cuss words go flying, and he grabs her arms with both hands with barely concealed rage. She said she was scared stiff by the look of his face, the curses and the rage squeezed between clenched teeth.
We have a long talk about what her options are when she’s with him. I tell her physical retaliation or even defense on her part isn’t a great idea, unless her life is threatened and she has the ability to escape. Should never be first course of action.
I tell her she needs to vocalize her discomfort rather than physically struggle, take advantage of the fact that Tabitha is there, even if she’s not quite the solid protection she was before.
His power play was subtle at first in holding her arm down. He probably was presenting a loving picture of father and daughter to Girlfriend.
He did this to me at a family member’s funeral. I wanted nothing to do with him, but to not be ignorant, I let him give me a hug after the service. He held me in place. I could not move, could not lift my head from his chest. I was pinned.
My oldest children were there, and I knew he was looking at them as he created this picture of me leaning on him for comfort.
I felt defiled. I wanted to scream and vomit. I did none of those things. When he released me, I maintained my composure and then got as far away from him as possible. But to this day I feel violated.
Can you believe someone using someone else’s death like that to force themselves on a grieving person? For what? For caring? For concern? No, for SHOW.
And that’s probably what was happening there. And DD was not cooperating, and he didn’t care. He would not let her release his grip on her, and when she struggled, he got angry and flipped her, and when she struck out he became enraged.
Survival methods. That’s what DD is learning. What she must do, how she must cope while she’s still under his roof during those times. Tabitha is of some help, though not nearly as much as before, during the “honeymoon” period.
DD said she cried. DD said Tabitha hugged and consoled her. Funny…but not so funny. That’s what DD did for Tabitha when N Ex ripped her a new one.