Maybe, probably he really needs to believe the “love” his dad is giving him is real. Your existence and shared history threaten that…remind him of just how conditional this love is. And he wants his dad’s approval so much, he’ll go to the extreme of adopting his attitudes and mannerisms.

Not fair to you, but I swear, young men and their hormones and need to find their masculinity and fit in can really make some of them stray very far from who they really are.

You know, maybe it’s understandable your son is acting like this, but not justifiable. Be careful you don’t teach your son it’s all right to treat you like dirt. I would not address anything about this father at all. I would however, consider addressing only his behavior toward you.

Call him on it. Let him know what he does specifically that hurts you. He may be surprised. He may not realize how hurtful he is, or if he is it’s harder to do or justify it when you’re called on it.

It doesn’t mean shit if your Ex says you abandoned your son. But if your son is saying you abandoned him, I’d ask him what you did to make him feel that way – not in a demanding way, but with desire to understand. The answer, at this point, is almost not important. The communication, talking to each other is what you want.

Just be prepared to keep your cool if your son gives you any “dad says”. Just bring it back to him…ask him if that feels right or sounds right or if it jives with his memory and recollection of things. And let him know what’s important to you is him and your relationship with him. Leave the Ex out as much as humanly possible.

You know, at this age, it will be really hard to break the hypnotic spell N’s can weave, especially to a son so desperate for his father’s approval and acceptance.

But give it time. Eventually, your son will see through to his father’s shallowness. N’s are who they are. It may take time, but they do eventually trip up. And then children do grow up, and eventually he will no longer be the desperate young man in need. He’ll be a man, a little more secure, a little more centered and grounded.

Be patient. Let your son know you are there for him. Try making a more overtures during off season. And when your N is nice to you at these events, the old backstabber, smile right back and forget about those he has duped. There’s nothing you can do about that. Just be yourself, see if you can’t bring your friends with you to games, etc. Be gracious and remind yourself always you’re there for your son. The Ex is about important as dog excrement.

I agree, you should not let your Ex crowd you out. He is your son. You do what you feel is best, but don’t let your Ex N run the show.

Focus on what you do have and focus on your youngest. If he’s observing what’s happening, he may not be such a target. He may love his dad, but that will not necessarily equate into being mean to you.

And unless he serves to feed your Ex N’s ego, I doubt the younger son will merit much attention from his dad anyway.

Sending you supportive energy! And welcome to this little blog.