Today…

…I take the time to stop, and look at the long road I have traveled. And I thank God that I am no longer where I have been.

There are days when you can take a deep breath and in the stillness of that moment, you are grateful. And you know you are going to make it…even with the high price you paid, you know you will make it. In fact, you already have.

Because you have awareness and determination, and you know you will never go back there again.

There are days you stop and just can’t stop that small smile from creeping across your face. No malice, just a quiet thank you.

Today is such a day.

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2 Responses to Today…

  1. ninnyfufu says:

    Well, I am new to this site and honestly to the whole concept of Narcissism. I am in the early process of divorcing a narcissist (he has never been diagnosed medically) I feel alone, to say the least, and a million other things, I don’t even know where to begin ….. I have two boys, one of which was from a previous relationship and his father was killed a little over 2 yrs ago, and the other is shared between my husband and I. The oldest will be 9 in January and the youngest (our shared child) just turned two on the 18th. Reading through some of the posts, esp. the one regarding trying to schedule events and such is exactly paralell to most recently trying to plan our son’s birthday party. I moved out of the house on 08/24/08, I filed for divorce and God I could go on and on to anyone who will listen about all the things or actions or lack of both that I now realize were tactics of abuse by a narcissist. I hate the word victim and in no way want “sympathy” per say, but I feel like no one around me – friends and family alike, understands what I feel – and most of the time I don’t think I do either. I know that I am still in denial as I refuse to believe that I really was nothing to him, simply an object, and I still want to believe that deep down there is a loveable person who genuinely wants to love and be loved the way God intended. Even while I type that, I am reminded in my head of all the downright evil that resides in him and his actions/agendas and yet I still can’t accept it. I know this website is about co-parentinig and I guess I am just looking for someone who knows what I am feeling to talk to to help me accept, move on, and become stronger, thereby bringing myself back to health mentally so that I can begin to do so with and for my kids in the future that as of now seems very blah, and angry, and at this point don’t know how I am going to deal with “HIM” and the games going forward w/out being angry at his ongoing control over the situation in every form AAHHHHHHHH Help!!! HOW DO YOU GET PAST THIS???? I see my oldest son emulating my husband’s behaviors and I fear for my youngest son’s psychological safety as well …

  2. PhoenixRising says:

    That’s why it’s necessary to show your son that this is not acceptable behavior. I’m sorry you’re going through such a trying time, but that you have walked away from such game playing and abuse is the strongest statement you can make to your children that this is unacceptable.

    Getting past this is very hard when you have to constantly deal with it. It would be so much easier if you didn’t have children. No contact would be possible, even if hard. Narcissists have VERY long hooks.

    But having children means you will have to deal with your Narcissist for as long as those kids are minors, at the least.

    Find support. If there’s no one who understands in your physical world, then find them in your virtual world. I know for myself, I would have lost my mind if it weren’t for the validation that I received from reading other people’s experiences.

    Hang in there. It will get better. It really will. Maybe his behavior will improve, maybe not. But one thing is for certain, you will become stronger, and that will make the difference!

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