Comments on: He calls her when he feels like it. http://parentingwithanarcissist.com/2008/09/19/he-calls-her-when-he-feels-like-it/ Mon, 06 Feb 2012 21:42:38 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3 By: PhoenixRising http://parentingwithanarcissist.com/2008/09/19/he-calls-her-when-he-feels-like-it/comment-page-1/#comment-26 PhoenixRising Fri, 19 Sep 2008 23:08:50 +0000 http://parentingwithanarcissist.com/?p=58#comment-26 What a fantastic idea! The only thing is we don't have a parenting plan, because we never got a mediator or made child care arrangements. I had to file for divorce and pay for it, and I got the bare bones super budget plan. The attorney only filed the papers. He represents no one. The N EX finally did call today. The only thing I said was that I did try to get a hold of him this week. He said, "I know." I know? I knew that, but that's all I needed to hear. I didn't tell him how I didn't appreciate it or ask him why he didn't get in touch with me when he said he would. There is no use in talking. Why pretend? The bottom line is there were no "reasons", just his own agendas, and they are not for rational discussion. I wasn't going to give him the opportunity to use my objections or questioning of his behavior as an excuse to let loose a litany of accusations and lies. To allow him to relieve himself upon me. Been there, done that. So at this point, I'll make whatever unilateral decisions I need to. I do like the email idea. Next time he says to call, I'll tell him he's hard to get a hold of and he call me. When he doesn't, I'll email whatever decision I needed to make on my own, because I received no input from him to and state that. If I don't hear from him about scheduled meeting times, as you said, I will, also, send him a heads up email. This way I can record my actions, and also, spare me the frustration of having my calls ignored. It's all about control, isn't it? He can't get to me otherwise, so now he's doing this. "Making" me call and then blowing me off. What kind of pathetic little soul lives within the body of a narcissist? Amazing. What a fantastic idea! The only thing is we don’t have a parenting plan, because we never got a mediator or made child care arrangements. I had to file for divorce and pay for it, and I got the bare bones super budget plan. The attorney only filed the papers. He represents no one.

The N EX finally did call today. The only thing I said was that I did try to get a hold of him this week. He said, “I know.”

I know?

I knew that, but that’s all I needed to hear. I didn’t tell him how I didn’t appreciate it or ask him why he didn’t get in touch with me when he said he would. There is no use in talking. Why pretend?

The bottom line is there were no “reasons”, just his own agendas, and they are not for rational discussion.

I wasn’t going to give him the opportunity to use my objections or questioning of his behavior as an excuse to let loose a litany of accusations and lies. To allow him to relieve himself upon me.

Been there, done that.

So at this point, I’ll make whatever unilateral decisions I need to. I do like the email idea. Next time he says to call, I’ll tell him he’s hard to get a hold of and he call me. When he doesn’t, I’ll email whatever decision I needed to make on my own, because I received no input from him to and state that.

If I don’t hear from him about scheduled meeting times, as you said, I will, also, send him a heads up email. This way I can record my actions, and also, spare me the frustration of having my calls ignored.

It’s all about control, isn’t it? He can’t get to me otherwise, so now he’s doing this. “Making” me call and then blowing me off.

What kind of pathetic little soul lives within the body of a narcissist?

Amazing.

]]> By: kbcarleton http://parentingwithanarcissist.com/2008/09/19/he-calls-her-when-he-feels-like-it/comment-page-1/#comment-24 kbcarleton Fri, 19 Sep 2008 15:11:50 +0000 http://parentingwithanarcissist.com/?p=58#comment-24 One smart thing I did, or at least my divorce mediator did for me, was to have it written in the agreement that all communication about parenting was to be by e-mail. It makes it harder for him to get away with stuff because there is a written record of everythhing. Mine too will ignore an issue until it is too late to schedule, so now when I ask him to participate in something for the benefit of our daughter and hear nothing back, I just send an e-mail saying something like "since I asked you to notify me by Friday whether you were coming to see our daughter so I could cancel her activities and did not hear from you, I will be taking her to her lessons as scheduled. Please let me know in advance as stated in the agreement when your next available time slot is and I will make sure she is free. Take care." I always make sure I give him plenty of notice so he can't use the excuse that he didn't have enough time to plan. I figure if he ever tries to sabotage me in court, I have a written record of how I have been more than fair and that he is just plain irresponsible. So far it's been working good. If it's a big issue, I also cc my attorney so he knows that others see what's going on. Perhaps you could get a modification to your parenting plan that gives you some type of leverage like this. One smart thing I did, or at least my divorce mediator did for me, was to have it written in the agreement that all communication about parenting was to be by e-mail. It makes it harder for him to get away with stuff because there is a written record of everythhing. Mine too will ignore an issue until it is too late to schedule, so now when I ask him to participate in something for the benefit of our daughter and hear nothing back, I just send an e-mail saying something like “since I asked you to notify me by Friday whether you were coming to see our daughter so I could cancel her activities and did not hear from you, I will be taking her to her lessons as scheduled. Please let me know in advance as stated in the agreement when your next available time slot is and I will make sure she is free. Take care.” I always make sure I give him plenty of notice so he can’t use the excuse that he didn’t have enough time to plan. I figure if he ever tries to sabotage me in court, I have a written record of how I have been more than fair and that he is just plain irresponsible. So far it’s been working good. If it’s a big issue, I also cc my attorney so he knows that others see what’s going on. Perhaps you could get a modification to your parenting plan that gives you some type of leverage like this.

]]>