How do you tell a child her father doesn’t love her? Part 1

You don’t. You let him tell her. And he will.

In the many ways a narcissist does, he will let her know she is not valued for who she is, she is not seen, she is invisible and does not even exist except in what she is to him. He will show her that everything revolves around him and that if by chance that coincides with what she wants, it’s only by chance…or design for something greater he wants.

He will turn his affections toward her off and on, depending on which way the wind blows. If she does anything to disturb his over inflated version of how he sees himself as a father, he will punish her. If she embarrasses him, he will punish her.

If it suits him, he will ridicule her. He will laugh at her and call it “just teasing”. He will see it upset her, ignore her protests and pleas for him to stop…and do it some more. He will demand to have her when he’s lonely or when he needs her for one reason or another, and just as easily discard her when he has other plans or interests.

And when she cries to you, because you are the one she can talk to, because you listen, because you are there for her and you see her, you will validate what she is feeling. Because you will not betray your child in the name of “not wanting to talk bad about her dad”.

You will not dismiss her by saying, “Oh, you know he really loves you”, because you know that a narcissistic personality disordered individual (not just a jerk) isn’t capable of loving anyone, and you will not set your daughter up as bait for other narcissists by supporting the lie her father needs to believe about himself.

To be continued tomorrow

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