Comments on: Lonely among the mothers http://parentingwithanarcissist.com/2008/08/27/lonely-among-the-mothers/ Mon, 06 Feb 2012 21:42:38 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3 By: PhoenixRising http://parentingwithanarcissist.com/2008/08/27/lonely-among-the-mothers/comment-page-1/#comment-21 PhoenixRising Thu, 18 Sep 2008 22:41:08 +0000 http://parentingwithanarcissist.com/?p=51#comment-21 Hi KB, and welcome! I do hear you. It is frustrating, isn't it? Unfortunately, there are some people who are so burdened down with their Narcissistic Ex's, that they can't see past their own experiences. But it's not a competition. I don't think people should compare their experiences with others to keep score or to use that to invalidate someone else. That gets to be abusive in its own right. I'm curious, how do you respond when she says stuff like that? Have you told her you'd just like to have her listen to you without the value judgments? Might not go over well, but it might be something you might need to say. I'm glad you have a counselor who can validate you, and I hope you will find others. For me, reading about other people's experiences online has done that for me. Again, welcome. You can comment here anytime and have your experiences accepted in their own right. After being with a narcissist, you deserve that! Hi KB, and welcome! I do hear you. It is frustrating, isn’t it? Unfortunately, there are some people who are so burdened down with their Narcissistic Ex’s, that they can’t see past their own experiences.

But it’s not a competition. I don’t think people should compare their experiences with others to keep score or to use that to invalidate someone else. That gets to be abusive in its own right.

I’m curious, how do you respond when she says stuff like that? Have you told her you’d just like to have her listen to you without the value judgments? Might not go over well, but it might be something you might need to say.

I’m glad you have a counselor who can validate you, and I hope you will find others. For me, reading about other people’s experiences online has done that for me.

Again, welcome. You can comment here anytime and have your experiences accepted in their own right. After being with a narcissist, you deserve that!

]]> By: kbcarleton http://parentingwithanarcissist.com/2008/08/27/lonely-among-the-mothers/comment-page-1/#comment-20 kbcarleton Thu, 18 Sep 2008 16:32:14 +0000 http://parentingwithanarcissist.com/?p=51#comment-20 I understand where you're coming from. I have a friend who is also parenting despite having a narcissist ex, and when I vent to her about my narcissist ex, she comes back with "well, at least yours cares about his daughter enough to buy her stuff" and "at least yours calls her" and "at least you don't have to worry about him being physically abusive". Even someone going through the same thing can't understand that 1- he buys her stuff to control her, 2-he calls her when he feels like it,which is usually well past her bedtime or when she has an exam the next day, and he usually says upsetting things to her ,and 3- yes, I DO worry that he might become physically abusive. Fortunately, I have a counselor who helps validate all this for me, because it takes a professional or someone who has really studied the disorder to do so. Mothers with normal husbands and even some with disordered husbands just don't understand such pathalogical behavior. I understand where you’re coming from. I have a friend who is also parenting despite having a narcissist ex, and when I vent to her about my narcissist ex, she comes back with “well, at least yours cares about his daughter enough to buy her stuff” and “at least yours calls her” and “at least you don’t have to worry about him being physically abusive”. Even someone going through the same thing can’t understand that 1- he buys her stuff to control her, 2-he calls her when he feels like it,which is usually well past her bedtime or when she has an exam the next day, and he usually says upsetting things to her ,and 3- yes, I DO worry that he might become physically abusive. Fortunately, I have a counselor who helps validate all this for me, because it takes a professional or someone who has really studied the disorder to do so. Mothers with normal husbands and even some with disordered husbands just don’t understand such pathalogical behavior.

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