Overcompensation

One of the things I have to be careful of is overcompensation. I see what she’s going through with her dad. I know the abuse she faces when she’s with him alone. I feel her pain when she cries to me about his verbal abuse, her rage when he diminishes and belittles her.

I cannot go to the other extreme and weaken her by coddling her because he’s so abusive or be too strict to offset his irresponsibility.

It’s always one thing or the other, one extreme or its opposite. Never a middle road or balance with a narcissist. One moment he will tell me he wants to get to know her, her special unique self and then in the same conversation tell me how it’s necessary to force her to watch or discuss things that clearly upset her because she’s too empathic, which to him means weak.

He has to prepare her for the world, he says.

I need to provide balance. She doesn’t need overcompensation. She needs balance, a firm place under her feet and an open sky over head to stretch her wings.

She knows how rough and unfair life can be. No one knows quicker or sooner than a child of a narcissist. But all it takes is one person to validate you, to hear you, to see you. That can be enough to break the spell.

I will be that one person. In doing so, she will be better able to recognize others who can respect and honor her as they cross her path. And she will not turn a blind eye to them or run, as I did.

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