I am worried about getting “hardwired”. Even though we talk, even though I give her plenty of space to vent and validate her experiences, even that she is, also, being validated by her counselor, I still worry about the emotional and psychological impact.

I can literally see a weight lifting from her when she leaves her counselor’s office. And I know she really cherishes our relationship. But there’s that “imprinting”, and I know that, I , too, was hardwired as you. It’s why I’m able to write this blog.

I didn’t have anyone to talk to though, so maybe this will make enough of a difference. We will have to see…

Thank you for your kind words and generous offer. It helps to have people to connect with and validate you, since narcissists are all about invalidating you on every level. I’m sorry it took me this long to approve your comment and respond. I hope you are doing well and are allowing yourself a compassionate and gentle healing journey.

~PhoenixRising~

What I was wondering about tho is when kids get a little older (I don’t know how old yours is), judges are much more willing to hear their point of view about how they feel about spending time with certain parents. She does not need to be covered in bruises to convey compellingly to a judge that she is experiencing heartbreaking verbal and emotional abuse from her dad. So if I were you, I’d go back to court at some point and change the custody agreement. I’d try it as many times as it takes. And barring that, at some point she could possibly even sue for legal emancipation — from both of you. And then simply choose to live with and be supported by you. There have to be some options. And they are worth exploring b/c the more hardwired she gets about accepting his behavior and molding herself around it instead, the more likely she is to date men just like him when she is older. I did. I can’t seem to avoid them, even tho I try so hard to spot them. It’s stunning and frustrating.

Whatever you do, I wish you both all the best. I think there is a special place in heaven for people who’ve suffered narcissists here on earth.