…because I’m being more myself.” That’s what she told me last night.
That’s really sad, but it’s not to be unexpected. More and more, during each day I have her, she has to express some anxiety, some resentment toward her father and distress at having to be with him.
She says she hates having to be another person when she’s with him.
I hate it, too. But I’m grateful she’s consciously aware of it, and aware that she is healthy enough to where having to wear a different face for him really grates on her.
But he’s just a jerk. I can’t believe he’s…well, I guess I can…but I can’t believe he’s on this “She’s (me) using schooling her (our daughter) as an excuse to keep her away from me” kick again. But he is. DD told me she overheard him saying that to someone on the phone.
He’s said it to me too.
Can you believe that? Not that wanting to see to it that she gets her educational instruction during the weekday would have anything to do at all with her educational benefit. No, it’s my diabolical plot to keep her away from him. I’m infringing upon his entitlement to have her and her reason for living – to keep him company…we’re talking about the inconvenience of a two hour session, folks…oh, and the 15 minute drive to and from.
Now, if he has a poker party to go to, or a poker night at some bar, or a really great social event, or extra work he wants to do to make more money, then that’s okay to give her up, to sacrifice his time with her for. And he has no problem expecting me to have her, which I’m always happy to. BUT to place her in the hands of someone (me) for the benefit of her education? What an injustice!!!
I mean, he has to make up for the time he doesn’t have her, doesn’t he? Her education for his gratification? That’s a fair trade.
You know, I can deal with his nonsense. It’s annoying and irritating as hell, but as long as I can tend to, at least, some of her needs, then that’s just what I have to do. But what really gets me is the growing emotional abuse she has to go through when she’s with him, and the anguish it causes her.
She loves being herself. She loves being with me, because she can be herself. The contrast is tortuous to her.
It’s the way it has to be for now. If so, then I have to help her develop the tools and have access to them. Today she goes in to see her counselor. It’s a start beyond me.