The nature of the beast

Okay, so he’s feeling sorry for himself. I made the mistake of suggesting I get her a couple hours early today so I could give her some educational instruction before taking her to dance class, and he emphatically refused. He wasn’t giving up one hour of his time with her, even though it’s Tuesday, and a school day. I could hear him puffing up his chest as he said, “I’ve sacrificed a lot of my time with her for you. You’ve had her a lot…” For me. I’ve had her a lot. Does our child factor anywhere into this? What kind of a world does a narcissist live in? That he can give her up for his own reasons and resent me for helping him out by taking her and then expect her to sacrifice her education to make up for his lost time is beyond me. You know, you have to steel yourself when your ex is a narcissist. There’s no other way. You can’t not have contact with him, because of your child. And you can’t reason with him or expect him to be anything than he is. I had my say with him, but I didn’t lose … Continue reading

“He’s getting angrier…

…because I’m being more myself.” That’s what she told me last night. That’s really sad, but it’s not to be unexpected. More and more, during each day I have her, she has to express some anxiety, some resentment toward her father and distress at having to be with him. She says she hates having to be another person when she’s with him. I hate it, too. But I’m grateful she’s consciously aware of it, and aware that she is healthy enough to where having to wear a different face for him really grates on her. But he’s just a jerk. I can’t believe he’s…well, I guess I can…but I can’t believe he’s on this “She’s (me) using schooling her (our daughter) as an excuse to keep her away from me” kick again. But he is. DD told me she overheard him saying that to someone on the phone. He’s said it to me too. Can you believe that? Not that wanting to see to it that she gets her educational instruction during the weekday would have anything to do at all with her educational benefit. No, it’s my diabolical plot to keep her away from him. I’m infringing upon his … Continue reading

Traumatized again

It’s been a while…living or dealing with a narcissist can be draining. I’ve been very busy lately, but more than that I’ve been trying to cope with the periodic and unpredictable outbursts from my Ex, and I had gone through a doozy of an assault just a while ago. It’s taken me this long to even be able to write about him again. We had had a pleasant conversation in the morning about pick up time, and how I was going to tutor her for the afternoon. I came walking out of the center seven…count that, that’s seven minutes late, and asked if he’d go in while she finished up a task, so I could leave for work (which I was going to be a little late for). He flew into a rage – his face, his voice, that look, that used to make my breath grow shallow and fast – and started ranting about how I said 4:00 and he expected to be here and leave at 4:00, and now he has to go in, and I’m always late, always late. And he’s saying all this stuff as he’s angrily getting out of the car with his rage face … Continue reading