Here’s a quote from Sam Vaknin, “Malignant Self-Love” (free download of excerpts from his book)
“The narcissist equates emotions with weakness. He regards the sentimental and the emotional with contempt. He looks down on the sensitive and the vulnerable. He derides and despises the dependent and the loving. He mocks expressions of compassion and passion. He is devoid of empathy. He is so afraid of his True Self that he would rather disparage it than admit to his own faults and ‘soft spots’.”
I find this to be true. One of the things Ex really despised were people who sought therapy or did self-help or turned to their faith for strength. Not only did he believe mankind was the highest pinnacle of evolution, but that he, particularly, was at the top of that pinnacle above other human beings. He even gave himself a royal title, “His Name the 1st”.
It’s not that he couldn’t do things that appeared to be sentimental, but he didn’t really hold those things in high regard. They and what they represented could be discarded in a flash if it was expedient or because it was for a “good time”. Now, that was what he held in the highest regard.
I came to realize that his emotional “opening up” or sentimental gestures were like making deposits that he not only felt entitled to withdraw from but to overdraw, because he was…well, he was him, of course.
I am not sure where to place this but I found a book that seems to help me focus and give some assist in dealing with people with Personality Disorders: Say Goodbye to Your PDI (Personality Disordered Individuals): Recognize People Who Make You Miserable and Eliminate Them from Your Life for Good! (Kindle Edition)by Stan Kapuchinski M.D. Hopefully this will help.
Comment by Survivor — July 27, 2010 @ 4:10 pm
Oh, wow! That sounds wonderful and just what I need to be reading right now. Thanks!
Comment by PhoenixRising — July 27, 2010 @ 6:14 pm
Maybe I’ll make it it’s own post and place it under the “books” category. Sound okay with you?
Comment by PhoenixRising — July 27, 2010 @ 6:16 pm
That sounds great. I find if I read the suggestions in the book on what to do before I have an encounter with the NPD ex it helps me script out situations so I am not suckered into another emotionally draining situation.
Comment by Survivor — July 28, 2010 @ 8:57 am
That’s wonderful! I understand. Since we don’t think like that, it’s so easy to get suckered every time. Then not only do you have being pissed off at them to deal with, but being pissed at your own self for falling into that trap!
Comment by PhoenixRising — July 28, 2010 @ 11:52 am